i should be happy, i really should.
i should feel both relief that the summer semester is over, and i should feel pride for the progress of my kid/s (if you count nathan).
but i can’t. not really. i want to be okay with this, but i’m not. looking back, all i seemed to do in this class was glorified ukulele-playing and the occasional cut-and-paste visual aide game. even if my kids didn’t show up much, or even if they weren’t so receptive for the first few days, should that have been an excuse for my subpar performance as a teacher at iclip? i can’t say i didn’t try, of course, but if you think about it, did i try my absolute hardest? what frustrates me is that all of this ended so soon. i wasn’t looking forward to preparing all those lesson plans and materials, but you know what i was excited about?
seeing a child read on their own. because i was able to help them help themselves. i could have seen that. my classmates did, with their kids. with all external factors aside, all those things i couldn’t control, could i say i really worked to get my way to that goal i had?
slow progress is still progress. i just wish it could have been more evident in both my work and his. but i hope he’s happy, kahit papano. i hope those words on that certificate/token are something he can make his own. i can’t get him there, to that goal of finally conquering reading after years of being held back. only he can get himself there.
i don’t know if he’ll look back, once he’s fully capable of literacy, and contemplate how he pushed himself to get there. but i hope, if he does, that he remembers that i helped myself help himself.
until next time, kid.